When I scroll through Instagram Reels or YouTube Shorts, what I see is mainly sermon clips, debates, or scholars and theologians addressing twisted Scripture. The algorithm has learned me and what I linger over or click on. It’s selective to who I am, what I’m interested in, and different for others, especially teenagers. Every time students open social media, an algorithm is deciding what voices they will hear. Their influences are no longer limited to their parents, friends, teachers, coaches, pastors, and youth leaders.

And those algorithms are paying attention.

They notice what our teenagers watch, what they scroll past, what they replay, what they like, and—perhaps most importantly—what makes them stop scrolling. Over time, their feeds become increasingly personalized. That matters because the messages being repeatedly placed before teenage boys and girls are not always healthy, and they certainly aren’t always consistent with the way of Jesus.

Recent research from Common Sense Media surveyed more than 1,000 boys ages 11–17 and found that three out of four regularly encounter online content about masculinity, including messages about muscularity, money, fighting, dating, and relationships. Even more concerning, 68% of boys who encountered this content said it began appearing in their feeds without them searching for it. Researchers also found that boys with greater exposure were more likely to encounter problematic messages about gender roles.

This helps explain something many parents, teachers, and youth leaders are beginning to notice. Some boys are being introduced to what is commonly called the “manosphere” or “red pill” culture—online communities and influencers promoting rigid ideas about masculinity, including the belief that men should dominate women or that women are naturally inferior or should be subservient to men.

A Dublin City University study demonstrated how quickly this can happen. Researchers created experimental accounts representing 16- and 18-year-old males interested in ordinary things such as sports, video games, and gym content. Every experimental account was eventually recommended manosphere material, sometimes within minutes. Once the accounts watched such content, the algorithms dramatically increased their recommendations of similar material.

Girls face their own algorithmic pressures. Their feeds more commonly emphasize beauty, fashion, appearance, relationships, lifestyle, products, and social comparison. Meanwhile, teenage girls are especially active on Instagram and Snapchat, while boys use YouTube at particularly high rates. In Pew’s latest research, 94% of boys use YouTube, while 61% of girls use Snapchat; more than one-third of all teenagers report using at least one major social platform “almost constantly.”

This Is a Discipleship Issue

As Christians, we should be concerned about more than screen time. We should ask questions like, Who is shaping our children’s understanding of what it means to be a man or woman? Who is teaching them what gives a person value?

Paul tells Christians:

“Do not be conformed to this age, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.” — Romans 12:2

And Philippians 4:8 calls us to intentionally direct our thoughts toward what is true, honorable, just, pure, lovely, commendable, morally excellent, and praiseworthy.

These passages were written nearly two thousand years before smartphones, but their wisdom is relevant today. What repeatedly receives our attention eventually influences the way we think.

The response, however, isn’t simply, “Social media is bad.” Social media can provide friendship, creativity, humor, education, encouragement, and community. Common Sense’s research found that many boys experience genuine belonging online and consider some influencers inspirational. Our goal should therefore be discernment rather than fear. We have to help kids and teens think critically about the media they consume. And we should be careful not to be indoctrinated or enraged by our feeds as well.

What Can Parents Do?

Talk about the feed, not just screen time. Instead of only asking, “How long have you been on your phone?” occasionally ask, “What has your feed been showing you lately?” You may learn far more from the second question.

Watch together sometimes. Ask your teenager to show you the funny, interesting, annoying, or strange things appearing in their Reels or Shorts. Approach the conversation with curiosity before criticism. If every questionable video produces a lecture, teenagers will quickly learn not to show us questionable videos.

Teach them that an algorithm is not neutral wisdom. A recommendation system is designed to predict what will keep someone’s attention. Watching something because it makes us angry, shocked, insecure, or curious can still tell the algorithm, “Show me more of this.“

Talk explicitly about biblical manhood and womanhood. Our boys need to hear that strength does not require domination. Jesus consistently used his strength to serve others. He taught his disciples, “Whoever wants to become great among you will be your servant” (Mark 10:43). Our girls need to hear that their worth is not measured by beauty, attention, popularity, relationships, or how closely they resemble an influencer. They need to know about the women of the Bible, both named and unnamed.

And both need to understand the foundational truth of Genesis 1:27 that male and female alike bear the image of God. Neither sex possesses more human worth, dignity, or spiritual value than the other. And contemporary “gender roles” are not defined in the Bible.

Finally, parents, don’t underestimate your influence. Common Sense’s research contains an encouraging finding: despite the enormous presence of influencers in teens’ lives, parents remain their first choice for support.

The algorithm may have their attention, but parents still have relationship, something an algorithm cannot offer.

Our goal isn’t to raise teenagers who are frightened of culture or incapable of encountering an idea with which we disagree. We want to raise young men and women who can recognize the messages being presented to them, compare those messages with Scripture and the character of Jesus, and confidently say, “That’s what my feed is telling me, but that isn’t what I believe.”