There’s a reason tables matter. They shape us. A table tells you who you belong to and where you fit. If you think about all the family dinners, church potlucks, and gatherings with friends, I’m sure you’ll find this to be true. We see this in the early church as well, when they broke bread together, prayed together, and shared their lives (Acts 2).

But community is not automatic. A crowded table only becomes a Christ-centered table when the people sitting around it practice the kind of love Jesus showed us.

This is what John is saying in 1 John 3:11, “For this is the message you have heard from the beginning: We should love one another.”

John doesn’t give us a suggestion; he provides us with the prerequisite for Christian community. This love is what makes our tables holy.

John wrote this letter during a time when the Church was experiencing conflict and relational friction, which is likely why he consistently uses familial words such as “brothers and sisters,” “children,” and “beloved.” He also reminds the Church of what Jesus taught about believers loving each other: “I give you a new command: Love one another. Just as I have loved you, you are also to love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another” (John 13:34-35).

To show us two possible ways of relating to one another, John contrasts the spirit of Cain with the love of Christ, revealing that Christian community is not built on convenience, comfort, or sameness. It’s built on sacrificial love. Three points stand out in 1 John 3:11-24.

Love Requires Rejecting the Way of Cain (vv. 11-15).

Cain represents what happens when jealousy, comparison, and self-centeredness run unchecked. We find his story in Genesis chapter 4. In short, Cain, a farmer, and his younger brother Abel, a shepherd, both bring sacrifices to the Lord. Abel’s sacrifice is pleasing to God, while Cain’s is not. Instead of doing some self-reflection as to why God did not like his sacrifice, Cain was furious and took it out on Abel. He deceived Abel into meeting him in a field, where he attacked Abel and killed him.

1 John 3:11-12 and 15 say, “For this is the message you have heard from the beginning: We should love one another, unlike Cain, who was of the evil one and murdered his brother. And why did he murder him? Because his deeds were evil, and his brother’s were righteous. Everyone who hates his brother or sister is a murderer, and you know that no murderer has eternal life residing in him.”

Cain compared himself to Abel, which led to resentment and jealousy that easily poisons relationships. In his pride, Cain rejected God’s correction and His call to repentance and to growth and instead doubled down on bitterness. This led him to turn his brother into an enemy. Cain dehumanized Abel and ultimately eleminated him.

We may not murder someone physically, but we can assassinate their character, compete instead of collaborate, withdraw from community, refuse to celebrate the wins of others, and hold grudges quietly. This leads to a breakdown of community.

Community dies when we stop seeing each other as family.

Jesus talks about the Cain mindset at the beginning of the Sermon on the Mount when He says that to hate someone so much that you wish them harm is to murder them in your heart.

The spirit of Cain shows up in our community when we think things like: “Why did they choose them instead of me?”, “Why wasn’t I invited, and they were?”, “Why won’t they notice me and what all I do?”, or “I’ll just pull away from the community because it’s easier for me.”

We cannot practice Christian community with Cain’s posture. If we do, the crowded table becomes a divided table. So, love requires us to reject the way of Cain.

Love Looks Like Sacrifice, Not Sentiment

In verse 16, John gives the clearest definition of Christian love: “This is how we have come to know love: He laid down His life for us. We should also lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters.”

This is not Hallmark card love. This is cross-shaped love.

Jesus shows that love gives up rights, moves toward the hurting, carries one another’s burdens, and serves even when it’s inconvenient.

But the vast majority of us will not take a bullet for someone, so John makes this practical for us in verse 17: “If anyone has this world’s goods and sees a fellow believer in need but withholds compassion from him–how does God’s love reside in him?”

This does not mean that you go without something that you NEED to provide for someone in need. We shouldn’t put ourselves in a tight spot to help someone. But it could mean that you go without something you WANT to help someone in need. Maybe you rethink a big purchase, change your vacation plans next year to save money, or decrease the number of times you hit up the coffee shop so that you can have some extra funds in case someone in our church family has a need.

In verse 18, John says, “Let us not love in word or speech, but in action and in truth.” A community formed by Jesus sacrifices time, comfort, preference, resources, and emotional energy. This is how the church becomes a family and not an event.

Love Gives Us Confidence Before God and One Another

John closes with reassurance: “This is how we will know that we belong to the truth and will reassure our hearts before Him whenever our hearts condemn us; for God is greater than our hearts, and He knows all things. Dear friends, if our hearts don’t condemn us, we have confidence before God and receive whatever we ask from Him because we keep His commands and do what is pleasing in His sight. This is His command: that we believe in the name of His Son, Jesus Christ, and love one another. The one who keeps His commands remains in Him, and He in him. And the way we know that He remains in us is from the Spirit He has given us.”

When love is real, not performative, not selective, not occasional, it does something inside of us. Authentic love leads to confidence in prayer, alignment with God’s will, assurance that we belong to Him, and the presence of the Spirit.

Genuine love demonstrates the life of Christ within us, making the crowded table a witness, a living testimony of the Lord Jesus, when it is filled with people who truly love each other.

Application #1 : Make Room at the Table

Don’t sit only with the familiar, easy, or comfortable. Christian love moves towards people who are different, new, hurting, or overlooked.

Who is God asking me to make room for this week?

Application #2 : Choose Sacrifice Over Convenience

Love isn’t proven by feelings but by decisions. Say yes when serving is inconvenient. Share resources without expecting anything in return. Check on someone you don’t normally reach out to.

What sacrifice is Jesus inviting me to make for someone in my church family?

Application #3 : Let Love Silence Self-Doubt and Fear

Some of us may struggle to believe that God or others love us. John says that love lived out in community is God reassuring your heart that you are loved by Him.

Where do I need to let the Spirit use community to strengthen my confidence in Christ?

The world is hungry for belonging. Jesus offers a table not crowded with consumers but filled with brothers and sisters who lay down their lives for one another.

Cain isolates. Christ gathers.

Cain takes life. Christ gives life.

Cain destroys community. Christ creates family.

May our church strive to reject the way of Cain and continue to grow into a community where the table is full, the love is real, and Jesus is glorified.